December 2, 2015

jump back

"lorelai: Ha! Jumpback! 
rory: Excuse me? 
lorelai: Kevin Bacon, Footloose, reaction to the no dancing in town rule is revealed to him by Chris Penn, brother to Sean, sage to all. 
rory: I shoulda known." 
- gilmore girls

do you ever have those moments where you look back at your life and wonder how in the hell you got there? i've had a few of those lately. i stopped blogging here because i wasn't enjoying it. don't get me wrong, i'm still a major social media addict, but blogging felt like a chore, and i didn't know why i was doing it anymore. and then as i was looking back at my last year or so, i and a major jumpback moment and realized i don't know how i ended up in this place in my life at all.

twenty fifteen has been probably the hardest years for me to date. but don't cry for me. this isn't a place where i come to air my dirty laundry, that's what Facebook is for (kidding). this year has put me through the ringer and still kinda is. I'm desperate for change but know that things will all happen in the right time. that's where I'm grateful for my faith. i recently went through the lds temple for the first time and I am so grateful for that choice, as it has brought so much into my life especially during these last few really hard months.

and then there's this thing where i feel a bit like a grinch this year. as we head into the holidays, everyone is all happy and thankful and I'm sitting here like an angry verruca salt throwing a tantrum and mad that things aren't working out the way i thought they would. and maybe its because I'm almost a college graduate. it gets me thinking about where i was 5 years ago and where i thought i would be by now. this post is turning into something much more ranty than i intended, but maybe thats what it needs to be.
this is a place where i come to share a piece of myself with the internets. i never want to be one of "those" bloggers. we all know who I'm talking about. I want to be a place where a girl who is in the same place i was 3 years ago can come and look and be inspired and know that it won't always be the same. i want to share my real authentic self and if someone looks at it great...if not then who cares. im going to try not to.

i guess what I'm trying to say is this is my blog and I'm redefining it into what i want it to be. I'm not going to force myself to blog, but I'm also going to be okay with not blogging for a bit. this is my little corner of the internet. and if you feel like following along with a twenty something, single, trying to figure her shit out, then welcome. stay and chug a while if you please. i can't promise much but i am glad you're here.

okay rant over.

i guess this all means I've decided to start fresh. I've erased the past (which includes this blogs past, don't worry i saved it so i can someday go back and look at my embarrassing bachelor recaps that no one read) and am embracing the future. also when you realize blogger deleted all of your previous blog photos because you maxed out your storage. wah. so the past posts were boring photoless posts anyway. maybe its a technology blessing in disguise. because sometimes starting fresh can be the best thing for you.

ps wanted to share this little diddy i made up because its my phone background right now and is giving me the daily reminder i need.
xxx.
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